Sailors, Saints, & Sinners

What I’ve Learned (so far)

As the church planter who helped start RBCC and now serves as the lead pastor, I have a very big desire to see Rock Bridge be all that God wants us to be.  I have struggled a lot with what is my role in that pursuit and what is God’s role.  More often that not I have erred on the side of “if it is to be, it is up to me.” This mentality pushed me to work really hard and do my best.  Doing your best and working hard can produce positive results and make us feel good (about ourselves) but the danger is that we start relying on our “best” (which is no where close to God’s best) and our hard work instead of the work of the Holy Spirit. In other words, we become self-reliant, not Christ-dependent … and our self-reliance becomes like a god that feeds the ego and pushes away the God of the Bible who declares that “apart from Him we can do nothing”. These sinful patterns also produce the stress and weight of undue responsibility. Hard things for a pastor to admit … but perhaps I did not really know how to rely on God.  But when do we really have to rely just on God?

Then the bottom fell out.  My neat little world with all my natural tendencies were rocked by Beth’s unconventional and untimely illness and the treatment it required for her to have a chance to live.  For once, nothing was up to me … not the “success” of Rock Bridge or the outcome of Beth’s treatment.  For once, I had to essentially stop pastoring Rock Bridge during the critical month of Beth’s transplant.  For once, all I could really do was pray, turn to the Scriptures, and lean into the encouragement of my church family.  While I’m still seeking to process much of this, there are some common themes emerging–

• I am way more sinful than I imagined. The degree of self-reliance in me was/is strong and so natural that I did not even see it as sin.  Even my strategies for fighting sin where sinful in their humanistic, self-help tendencies. This fight is far from over, but at least I see the enemy more clearly now.
• All sin is a result of unbelief, and all spiritual growth & joy are the results of belief. This really simplifies Christianity.  The struggle is not to do more; rather it is to believe more and to trust more.  It is as simple (or hard) as getting onto an airplane — you either believe it will fly or you don’t.  There really is no middle ground. I’m finding that the middle ground is losing ground in my life as I learn to see my life in terms of where I believe God and where I don’t.  Where I believe Him there is much joy and the peace;  and where I don’t believe Him, I am praying like the father in Mark 9 — “I believe, help my unbelief!”
• Our work is to respond to God’s. God is responsible for building churches and saving sinners.  God is responsible for conforming His children into the likeness of His Son.  To cast all responsibility on God means resting in the power of the Gospel, trusting in the production power of His Word & Spirit, and praying based on His character and not your circumstances.
• Rock Bridge is healthy. I could make this point with our attendance, baptisms, small group launches, and special offering numbers BUT those things alone don’t make a healthy church.  I have seen this church in a different light and the view is amazing!! We are not a perfect church (far from it) but we are seeking to be a biblical church … and that pursuit did not slow down, suffer, or lose momentum because of my family’s situation or my absence … AND in many ways Rock Bridge has sped up!!
• It is possible to be satisfied with Jesus Christ … and nothing more. This is what the Scriptures claim and the lives of the apostles model, but very rarely are we forced into “just Jesus” dependence so we can really taste “just Jesus” satisfaction.  I can’t say that I live this truth every day, but I can say that for a few moments I got there (or rather God got me there) … and it was better than great.  To push past circumstances, empty yourself of yourself, and just press into Jesus was/is beautiful and wonderful!

From NYC: An Update on Beth

We have much to thank God for as we approach 4 weeks since Beth’s bone marrow transplant and much to continue to place before Him in prayer.  Beth received her donor’s stem cells on Dec. 29th, she engrafted on Day +9 from transplant, and was released from the hospital on Day +20 (last week).  These milestones occurred sooner than any of us expected, and for that we thank God.

Beth is currently in an outpatient status and returns to the hospital’s day clinic 2 times a week for a check-up and lab work.  She continues to get stronger every day and her appetite (and taste buds) are returning.  Her blood counts are stabilizing and starting to increase.

Because of the risk of infection Beth is limited to the apartment and (weather permitting) to walks outside in open, non-crowded places.  Additionally, she remains on a low microbial diet. The doctors continue to stay vigilant to prevent Graft Versus Host Disease which can show up at different times in the post-transplant phases.  For these reasons Beth must remain near the hospital through May or June.  We hope she can be around our boys sometime in early Spring as her immune continues to strengthen so we can bring them to the Big Apple to see their Mommy

Prayer Requests:

• This Thursday Beth has her first bone marrow biopsy since the transplant. This is to verify that her old cells (and the leukemia cells) were killed by the radiation and chemotherapy and that all of her blood cells are donor cells.
  • Please pray specifically for 100% donor cells!!
• For continued protection against infections: bacterial, fungus, and viral.
• For NO Graft Versus Host Disease.
• For her “cabin fever” to be at least manageable

Again, thanks so much for ALL the prayers and encouragement.

Bone Marrow Engrafted!!

We received great news from our doctor today: the stem cells Beth received have officially and medically engrafted and are producing new cells!!  Engraftment is defined as 3 consecutive days of a neutrophil (a type of white blood cell) count above 0.5.

James 1:17a — “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father“

We are very thankful this morning for God’s grace and mercy, the wisdom of our doctors, and the prayers & support from our family and friends.  The battle is still not over as we guard and pray against infections, Graft Versus Host Disease, and organ toxicity. Because of these potential dangers, Beth will remain in the hospital for awhile longer and once released will be monitored as an outpatient here in NYC for 4-6 months.  So we still have a long road ahead and are taking it one day at a time but but we reached a major milestone today!!

Please continue to pray for the recovery of our friends Edwin & John.

Beth receiving stem cell transplant on Dec. 29th

Power in the Blood

When I was a teenager I remember reading a book by Billy Graham where he explained why the blood sacrifice of Jesus was necessary to give new and eternal life. He quoted Leviticus 17:11 –

For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves … it is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life.

Like so many things God uses a physical reality to demonstrate a spiritual truth.  As blood is necessary for us to live physically, blood would be necessary for us to live spiritually.  And not just any blood, only the pure and perfect blood of Jesus Christ. Without this blood there can be no forgiveness of sins (Hebrews 9:22).  But the power of this blood goes beyond just forgiveness — it also brings His goodness and abundant life, instead of His wrath against our sinfulness (Romans 5:9; Romans 8:32).

Today we rejoice because Beth is receiving new blood. A gift of grace and a miracle of mercy flowing from the greatest grace gift and most miraculous mercy ever — the Cross. Here Jesus’ physical life-blood removed the Father’s wrath and replaced it with His goodness that now comes in many forms of His rich and sufficient grace.  We celebrate the goodness of God in the form of 19 million new and healthy stem cells entering Beth’s body to produce new, healthy, and leukemia-free blood cells.  Life is indeed in the blood!

While nothing is greater than the salvation Christ purchased for us with His blood, we still praise God for His “lesser” graces (like a bone marrow transplant) that give Him glory and give us a foretaste of His eternal goodness. These foretastes remind us that the best is yet to come and victory is assured as we live by His blood-bought grace in a sin-stained world full of pain and suffering.  While Beth’s battle with leukemia is not over with today’s transplant, we know and believe that there is “power, wonder-working power” in the blood!!

Hebrews 13:20-21 Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Intense Treatment: Specific Prayer Requests

We’ve officially completed 2 days of intense treatment: total body irradiation and the start of chemotherapy.  Thursday is the start of 4 days of very powerful drugs: 2 chemotherapy drugs and a transplant preparing drug. The side effects can be quite intense.

Prayer continues to be a source of strength and grace to us so we wanted to ask for some specific requests over the next several days:

• Minimal side effects to these powerful treatments; specifically, no adverse reactions.
• For Beth to remain infection free.
• For no fevers (Beth has had a fever the past 2 days).
• For these treatments to be 100% effective in getting rid of her leukemia and bone marrow.
• For sleep & rest.
• For peace & comfort.
• For EVERYTHING regarding the donor process on December 27th and the transport of the marrow to NYC to go flawless.
  • For an ABUNDANCE of donor stem cells to be collected (the more the merrier as they say

Transplant Process Begins

On Tuesday Beth is admitted to the hospital for bone marrow transplant.  This begins a very critical phase in our battle with leukemia.  We wanted to share some specific things and to ask for very specific prayers during this period of time.

During the first day Beth will receive one dose of “total body irradiation“.  This treatment jump starts the process of destroying her bone marrow and leukemia cells.  Then for the next 4 days she receives chemotherapy which works to ensure all of her marrow and leukemia cells are wiped out.  Both of these treatments are closely monitored and regulated because of Beth having Fanconi anemia which is the underlying cause of this leukemia.  This is also why we are being treated in NYC at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, one of only 2 hospitals in America with experience and success in transplanting adult Fanconi patients.

• Pray for the complete destruction of her marrow and leukemia cells.  This is essential to helping her body receive the new marrow.
• Pray for the side effects of these powerful treatments to be minimal.
• Pray for her to stay free from infection.  Her blood counts will be wiped out and staying infection free is a big goal.
• Pray for God’s wisdom to work through the doctors.

On December 27th, the donor gives blood and marrow.  Beth is due to receive it on either the 28th or the 29th. It takes 7-14 days for the marrow to “ingraft” and start producing healthy cells.  There are four specific things that we need protection against: rejection of the donor’s marrow, “Graft Versus Host Disease” (when the old blood & marrow fights the new marrow), infections (from bacteria, viruses, and fungi), and organ toxicity (this is the most unpredictable danger).  The doctors do many things to prevent and reduce the odds of any of these 4 things happening, but we of course want to pray against them!

• Pray for the new marrow to ingraft and for new, healthy cells to be produced and for Beth to be completely healed!!
• Pray against marrow rejection & Graft Versus Host Disease.
• Pray for Beth to stay infection free.
• Pray for Beth’s organs to stay healthy & strong … pray against organ toxicity.

Lastly, we continue to learn so much about God’s grace. It often comes in unexpected ways and sometimes we even miss it, but it is always there and always sufficient. Pray for us to see this grace, treasure it, and when possible to share it.  One thing we have not missed is the grace that comes from our church family.  How people could go through something like this without having a faith family makes us more burdened for the unchurched.  Thank you Rock Bridge for being a source of God’s grace to us!!

News from NYC (12.9.2010)

The Latest on Beth (12.4.2010)

We are starting to feel like a broken record but we must THANK YOU for your prayers, frequent flyer miles, gifts, etc. etc. that continue to bless us and to strengthen our spirits and hope.

The past week Beth spent a lot of time at the hospital.  She had another bone marrow biopsy, received what is known as an IVIg injection (infection fighting antibodies), and went through a heart and lung test (everything looks great!!).

On Friday, we received word that one of the donors said “YES!” and is ready to give the marrow to Beth.  We may never know who this person is but we are extremely grateful!!  This means Beth will be admitted to the hospital on December 17th to begin transplant preparation which includes about a week of chemotherapy-radiation.  The donor is scheduled to give her (we do know the donor is female) on December 27th which means Beth’s transplant will begin within 48 hours.

Next week she has a dental exam.  This appears to be only possible obstacle to the transplant schedule.  Beth’s wisdom teeth & gum area is swollen and painful (not healing due to low blood counts). If the dentist thinks the wisdom teeth have to come out, then the transplant would be delayed for about a week (assuming the donor agrees to the delay).

Prayers:

• For COMPLETE healing … miraculous and God-glorifying.
• For Beth to stay infection-free and her white & platelet count to increase.
• For no “wisdom teeth” delays.
• For our friend, Edwin, who just received a transplant last week.
• For our friend, John, who is recovering from Fanconi-related head & neck cancer.

My Open Letter to Rock Bridge

The past few weeks have been some of the toughest of my life as we learned about Beth’s diagnosis of MDS and now move toward a bone marrow transplant in NYC.  Part of the difficulty is that Beth has had to temporarily give up her calling into vocational ministry.  As a couple who share this call to ministry and a deep love for God’s church, we have always lived with the tension that exists between our marriage, our ministry, and our children.  For eight years we have sought to maintain a healthy, albeit delicate balance between these areas of our life.  Often the balance tilted toward ministry and the church we started together … and we understood that as part of the calling, part of the joy, part of the challenge, and part of the privilege of full-time, vocational ministry.

However, for the foreseeable future we must tilt that balance the other direction to our family and fighting (and beating!) MDS. For Beth it means a long period of medical leave from ministry.  For me it means my ministry at Rock Bridge will be limited as I serve and support Beth during this time.  While I will still be the Lead Pastor and preach as much as possible, I will not be as involved in pastoral care, leading our staff, or executing our vision as I normally am.  The great news is we have a tremendous staff, a clear vision, Elders who are servant-leaders, and a God who is committed to building His church!!

For portions of Beth’s time and treatment in NYC, I will be spending most days with her and a few days each week at home (lots of flying in my future!).  There will be other times when I will need to be with Beth for several weeks in a row.  All of this is subject to change as we learn about the details of Beth’s treatment and how she responds.  Our boys will mostly stay at our house with their uncle and aunt or their grandparents.

During this period I will be teaching “live” less and we will be using “video” teaching more often in the Wink Theatre (Dalton Campus).  I will also be reducing the number of times I preach (I typically teach 45-48 times per year and would expect that number to drop to 36-42 times over the next 12 months).  Alfred Turley, our Executive Pastor, will be overseeing and leading our church on a daily and weekly basis.  Our Student Ministry staff is a strong team with a good plan and solid vision. Our Elders will still be the “guardians” of our vision and resources while serving as the “discerners” who help navigate our church to fulfill our mission and glorify Christ.

I mentioned a few weeks ago during a “church chat” that I was more excited about God’s work through Rock Bridge now than at any other time in our history … I still am! Our church’s renewed commitment to fulfill and obey God’s Great Commission through increased missions giving and going, greater dependence on His Holy Spirit through intentional prayer, and planting more small groups is exciting and God-honoring.

Even though our roles at Rock Bridge are necessarily changing for the time being and our primary focus has shifted to Beth’s healing, our hearts and our prayers are with the church we love so much.  We still believe God works miracles.  We still believe He will do more than we ask for or imagine (Eph. 3:20-21).  We still are amazed at His grace.  And we still believe the church is the hope of the world!!

Matt

Headed to the Big Apple!

Beth’s white blood cell and platelet counts dropped again today which puts her at greater risk of infection and bleeding.  So we spoke with Dr. Boulad tonight and he wants us to move Beth to New York where she can be directly under his care during this “interim” period before transplant.

This means a sooner-than-expected transition to the Big Apple for Beth and an earlier temporary “goodbye” for her and the boys. However, this eliminates a lot of risks and puts Beth in the safest place before the transplant occurs.

Beth will not return home until after transplant and recovery.  We expect to be in New York the first of the week.  She will be in NYC until healed

Prayer requests:

• Beth’s white cell and platelet count to increase
• Beth to stay infection free
• Safe travel to NYC
• Smooth transition & adjustment for our boys, Eyasu & Abreham
• The donor match process to move forward quickly
• For Dr. Boulad and his team of transplanters
• For God to be glorified and Beth to be COMPLETELY healed by a miracle or the miracle of medicine!!